As a passionate, ambitious woman, you put your heart and full self into everything you do. If you are a parent, parenting your child(ren) is no different.
In fact, most likely, this feels like your most important endeavor. Not only because you love your kids, but because you know that you are doing your part to contribute to society and leaving a powerful legacy as a result of how you parent.
As a risk-taking rule breaker, my guess is, too, that you have probably traversed some lineage-related emotional baggage and/or trauma, and do your utmost to ensure that stuff stops with you and your children grow up in an emotionally safe and healthy environment.
Even for a woman like you, that can feel like a ton of pressure.
So let’s lighten the load, shall we?
The best piece of advice I can give, as a fellow driven, passionate mother, and from my experience coaching other mothers like us, is this:
Set high standards, and have zero expectations.
Let me explain:
The standards by which you live are your non-negotiables. They are more than just what you “tolerate,” — they are the only things you will accept.
When anything outside of your standards arises, you are so accustomed to living your standards that you treat the outsider as an anomaly and truly pay it no mind. You have a minimal, if any at all, emotional reaction because you know that it will pass right on by.
When you set standards as a parent, it involves the same mindset.
What are your non-negotiables for how you interact with your child(ren), what you provide for your child(ren), what you teach your child)ren), what behaviors you want to see in your child(ren)?
That is the parenting container within which you live.
It sets the strong foundation for your parent-child relationship.
Your job, however, within that container, is to have zero expectations.
Yes, I said it.
Here’s why.
Children (like all of us) require freedom of expression.
When you’ve set and maintained the standards container well (by refusing to be moved, or have an emotional reaction rather than a calm, nonchalant response and redirection, to anything unwanted), you give your child(ren) the space to allow who they are becoming to unfold.
Within that space, they need to feel free to express themselves however spirit moves them without feeling as though they have let you down or are somehow violating some rule by just being who they are.
When you can be in this place as often as possible, parenting becomes … easy. It becomes a flow. A beautiful flow, a lovely dance, a beholding that will mesmerize and invigorate you.
I invite you to give it a try.
With love,
Melissa
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